Oh No lah, We are just friends

between us,

"oh no lah, we are just friends"

I have to gather all my strength to keep me from bursting out of frustration when I hear this sentence out of your mouth, I can hear a hard explosion sound deep inside my heart.

These untold truth that I choose to keep it inside myself, might be the reason why things between us were not as good as it used to be, but I can't help it but just to keep my mouth shut, because I'm still hoping things will eventually become better between us. How can you still thinking that you have a competition to have me when all of my hear, body and soul are yours? you are not her. You should not be her. I can see the way you said her name in front of me it is just frustrating, please don't mention her name again. I don't want you to be her. Just be yourself.

For a moment, I am truly convinced that maybe things like this happens. People would always remember how hurt they are even though they admit that they have forgive everything and forget about it. Maybe I just need time and luck to be on my side and wait for those wounds to heal, and memories will fade. I will be okay, but will you be okay? It has been a very long time since the last time I have that electrifying shock when I met you for the first time at the bus station. That special feelings and lovely whisper in my heart. I said that if you want to know where your heart is, look where your mind goes when you miss someone.

it's you, You are my wonderland.

I told myself that I'm okay with this, whatever the situation I put ourselves in and put a strong face as we live through the days, weeks, months, years. Yet, why these heart feel so hurt whenever you mention about her. Can you please just stop doing that? can you please just put away all that negatives thoughts you have in your mind? There are no "if". (takde kalau-kalau)
I have put an oath to be with you, to live my whole life with you, just you and only you. Why can't you trust me? I know I have made some mistakes along the way to you. Please forgive me. I will not leave you alone ever again.

I guess we are still moving on. I guess this is life supposed to be. I know things that happen between us haunt you and all those your sleepless night thinking about perhaps in some other parallel universe, things might be different. Please.. there is no such thing as parallel universe.

or maybe yes.

because I knew deep down inside my heart that even everything in this world conspire together to keep us apart from each other, it wouldn't work. I have fall in love with such an amazing person, YOU. A person that is kind and would do anything to make others happy. I am a creep, for taking you for granted. I am a black sheep, for hurting your soft heart. I guess a weirdo like me can never be forgiven for some old mistake that I made. I hope I could win your heart back

If I were you, I wouldn't even accept me back after what I have done to you.

Regards,

a friend